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Jack Nicholson Was Right

Greetings, come on in friend, pull a chair up to the fireplace and don’t forget to grab a cold one from the cooler on your way. I know it’s only been a few days, four I think, since I spoke to you last, but this will be my last for a bit. To be honest, I’m exhausted and I really need to take a mental health break, though that’s a story for another evening. Tonight, though, we’re going to talk about truth. There was a movie back in the 90’s that most people really only remember because Jack Nicholson’s character had an explosive scene in which he screamed out “You can’t handle the truth!” The agonizing thing about that scene is that his character is right. People today can’t handle the truth at all. They don’t want it. Unless, of course, the truth is something that keeps them and their worldview in a sunny spot. People don’t want truth, they want comfort. If someone says “hey, I’ve had it, I’m going to off myself” there’s nervous laughter and a quick “you don’t want to do that” before the topic gets switched. Why? Because that throws the comfort and peace of life in jeopardy. That’s a red light. It means you might get hurt by the passing of a friend/loved one. If someone says, “yeah this country is definitely not the best country in the world”, there’s no reflection on why they might be staying that. Instead, it’s “if you don’t like it, move” or “anyone that says that is a pinko commie fascist!” Why? Because if we have to honestly sit and face the fact that this country is no longer the best, well, that’s a dick punch to our world view isn’t it? That means facing the possibility that maybe we’ve been wrong, and that flies in the very face of the foundation of American Exceptionalism doesn’t it? We’re never wrong. Colin Powell legit lied right to the faces of the world at the UN about Iraq and 9-11. We bombed and ruined a country on a fucking lie. Everyone knew it, but admitting it wasn’t a possibility. So we doubled down. We ruined the careers of a country band because they didn’t believe the bullshit. We changed the name of French fries to freedom fries and had wine smashing parties in the streets because the French refused to entertain war under false pretenses.

Take the whole “American Made” nonsense for example. We claim to want our goods manufactured here in the USA. Fuck that Chinese crap we only want to buy American. It sounds good, it’s very nationalistic, but it’s also bullshit. You want it American made until you realize that the price of American made is more than that of imports. You want Union made goods until you realize the price tag on those is 3x what it would normally be. I know because I spent 20 years in the promotional/wholesale goods business. A hat that comes from overseas will run 3.25 before decoration. An American made shop hat will cost 4.50. If it’s Union made and has the Union bug? Well, that’ll cost you 7.25 before decoration*. Not so agreeable with your pocket book is it? Nobody wants that truth.

Let’s talk about society while we’re on the topic of truth. Might want to grab another brew for this one. Ready? Did you ever watch Ghostbusters 2? The one with the rage inducing slime under NYC? I know, it wasn’t a cinematic masterpiece, but for this particular topic it’s somewhat relevant. In the movie, there’s a giant River of pink slime under New York City and it’s causing the people of that fine city to rage out more than usual. That’s where we’re at. Not the slime, but the rage. We are full of rage these days. We look at someone who doesn’t agree with us and they immediately cease being human, they are this ignorant ball of waste that needs to be kicked off the planet. Sure, in some cases that’s true (looking at you Q), but for the most part you’re ready to kill someone for reasons you really can’t explain. The talking box that you call a tv has told you certain groups are evil and need to be destroyed. If you don’t destroy them first, they will destroy the country, your kids, your family, and even your god if you believe in one. So now, your neighbor, instead of someone you BBQ with during the summer, is someone that you despise. You saw the political sign they put up in their yard last year and you know 100% that they are pure Satanic evil. And yet…if put on the spot, you can’t provide a rational answer to it. You throw out sound bites from the losers you kneel before on the alter of talk show television. Half the fucking shit these wombats throw at you, you don’t even understand. I’d venture to say that maybe 5% of the people that are against it actually understand what critical race theory is. I bet that maybe 10% of the people who are completely in love with the Federal Reserve have no idea why. They just are and that’s that.

If I tell you that society is hanging on by a thread right now, chances are you’ll look at me aghast that I’d ever suggest such a thing. Sorry to burst your bubble, but when we have politicians supporting neo Nazis and politicians supporting pedophiles…society is in trouble. I pay attention to people wherever I’m at. I listen to what they have to say, I look at the slogans on their clothes, I read the bumper stickers on their car. We live in an “Us vs Them” society, and no one really seems to know who is who. One day you can be on the “right” side of the field, then, you do or say something that that side doesn’t like. Now you’re on the other side facing off against people that you just counted as friends. The problem with that, is that when the shooting starts, no one is really going to know who the enemy is. Well, at least until it’s too late and you realize what you should have fucking seen from the beginning, the enemy is the one controlling you not the one in front of you.

Why So Serious?

If you ask anyone that has spent more than ten minutes of time with me about my level of seriousness, they will look you in the eyes and then laugh at you for ever thinking seriousness is a part of my DNA. I blame a lot of this on my military school English teacher John Abston. He once told me that commas were a rule of the universe and that if I broke that rule, I’d be mocking existence itself. I’d like to think that when I deliberately misuse or leave out commas, which is often, Mr Abston’s eyes will start twitching for reasons he can’t quite explain.

As a Norse pagan, I always wanted my chief god to be Odin, or Thor, maybe even Tyr, but if we’re being honest, it could never be anyone but Loki. Mischief, a healthy “fuck you” attitude, and the ability to snatch seriousness away from any event/setting. Why would anyone take pride in such qualities? The answer to that lies with one of my Aunts. When I graduated high school, she gifted me a rubber chicken with a note that said “Don’t ever take life too seriously.” So I don’t. In fact, there are things I don’t take seriously at all, like this country. I can’t take seriously a people who bicker over a song, a magic flag, the sexual identity of television (or comic book) characters, whether a business should be forced to bake a cake for people they don’t like, or whether a business has a right to turn anyone away for any reason. I can’t take seriously a country full of people who claim a set of morals until they are actually expected to stand by them. I can’t take seriously anyone who yells and screams about cancel culture yet supports book burning. I sure as hell can’t take anyone seriously that believes god has personally handpicked a politician just for them. I ask you, where is the seriousness in a people that expects their next Vice President to be a guy who died over 20 years ago? I take them about as seriously as I take the yahoos in 2012 that gave away all their possessions because some pastor said the end of the world was upon us. When it failed to materialize and all his supporters were without jobs, money, and cars, he claimed to have read the signs wrong. How on Earth do you expect me to take seriously some Orange nutball who tried to deadeye an eclipse??

You people are so busy taking seriously the things you shouldn’t, that you’re giving no thought to the things you ought to be taking seriously. Just because you wake up with a red, white, and blue erection every morning and mentally beat off every time you hear the magic song, doesn’t mean this country is so star spangled awesome. It’s not. Hasn’t been for some time to be honest with you. It’s funny that sentences like that always seem to offend people. “How dare you! America is the best country in the world!” No, it’s not. Far cry from it and I don’t give a fuck if that hurts your little feelings. Because while you shitbags are busy burning books while decrying cancel culture, turning dumb fucks into hero’s (looking at you Kyle), screaming about the evils of abortion while donning yellow stars because you believe a vaccine is akin to the holocaust, this country is edging closer and closer to Authoritarianism. If history has taught us anything, and if you’ve been smart enough to pay attention, it’s that every empire falls. The United States is falling. You don’t believe it because we haven’t hit the ground yet, but I assure you, it is definitely falling and when it smashes upon the ground, breaks open, and lays there bleeding like a stuck pig, it will be your fault. You can blame the politicians all you want, but who put them there? Who turned them into rock stars? Who made politics a national game of sports ball? You did. Every other year, you did. You didn’t care if your side put up someone who was morally bankrupt. As long as they beat the person on the other side and you could claim victory, that’s all that mattered. Well, I hope you’re proud of yourselves, because we are heading to sudden death overtime. While you stand there and wave your flags, hold your armadas, tailgate before every rally…your actions bring us closer to death. So when you ask why I’m not a serious person, it’s because I don’t live in a serious country.

What You Don’t Understand

I was riding out the last vestiges of my 8th grade year when Superman issue #75 was released to the public. After nearly a year of media blitzes, press releases, and shockwaves, the death of Superman was finally revealed. Every outlet from Newsweek to People to Time, CNN to Fox, had something to say about DC killing off the caped Icon. Regardless of what side of the aisle you hung out on back then, sadness was the first reaction thrown out. There was an overwhelming sense of familial loss. Everyone knew Superman. Even if you didn’t read a fucking comic book in your life, you knew “Truth, Justice, and the American Way.” The world was losing an animated beacon of hope. It was an event we could all get behind. Sadly, the reaction from 1993 is vastly different from the reaction we would get today. If that had happened in 2021, it would have been seen by at least 40% of the country as the symbolic killing of America by those “goddamn godless Liberals.” When the Reign of the Supermen followed, Hank Henshaw would be seen as the true face of the Republican Party. A half man half machine version of Dick Cheney. I know this because a month ago, DC announced it was changing Superman’s slogan from Truth, Justice, and The American Way, to Truth, Justice, and a Better Tomorrow. By the reaction from half this country, you would have thought Adolf Hitler had returned from the dead and announced he was running for President.

So why Superman? What does Superman have to do with goddamn anything I have to say? Because we can use Superman as a microcosm of what we are and where this country is at. See, when Joe Biden defeated Donald Trump (fuck your election bullshit, he lost) liberals everywhere thought that finally politicians were going to be held accountable. That their dream of watching Trump get strung up by his nutsack outside the Lincoln bedroom was finally going to take place. When Merrick Garland was named AG, it seemed like a sure bet. And then it wasn’t. Sure there were/are congressional committees, but no one was truly being held accountable. Morale sank, and criticisms were being lobbed at the administration like verbal grenades. Finally many on the left had to confront the truth that no country ever wants to confront: it’s over. You can tell me I’m being pessimistic or dickish, call me an asshole if it helps, but the sad truth is that we’re done. The great 240+ year experiment has finally concluded and it’s been found wanting. As I know how much you all love to not read evidentiary points, I have included a few. Don’t @ me.

1. Everything is Political: Recently, annoying Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers was caught lying about his vaccination status and then resorting to throwing out a token Martin Luther King Jr quote to defend his actions. Before we go further, understand that I don’t give a fuck about whether Chief Cheesehead is vaccinated or not. What I care about is that a person in an influential position decided that it would be a good idea to lie rather than accept responsibility and either ride on your beliefs or die. Instead, there are people who are actually defending being a liar on one side and people who are hoping he gets kicked out of the county forever for not being vaccinated on the other. Instead of being a sports related issue between a star and the NFL, it became a rallying cry for various political gangs. The “Fuck Cancel Culture” gang was all over this. Doesn’t matter that he LIED to the people who sign his paycheck and the league that allows him to play, this was all about a vaccine and that’s it. To go hand in hand with the Superman shit from earlier, DC announced last month that Superman’s son would be Bisexual in his first solo comic book series. Personally, I don’t care. Good for the editors at DC for opening a new avenue of story telling and ideas, but this doesn’t affect me in the least. As it turns out though, it should terrify me as this is a sign the left is trying to force tolerance and communism on all of us. The Bastards. When Tim Allen introduced his new show Last Man Standing and it was revealed that his character would be a conservative suburbanite living in Colorado, the left lost its shit. Doesn’t matter that most characters coming out of Hollywood are mostly left leaning and thus a right leaning character gives you new story ideas, it was an abomination. Everything that happens today is looked at through political lenses, whether it has anything to do with politics or not. This is a bad thing.

2. Politics Has Turned Insane: If you’re under the age of 21, I can promise you that there was a time people could disagree politically, still be civil, and most importantly, not go batshit crazy. “It’s not that bad, CJ, come on.” Okay. A week ago, a bunch of people who believe in an internet poster named “Q” gathered in Dallas, because they were 100% convinced that John F. Kennedy Jr. was going to come out of hiding (he’s been dead for over 20 years) link up with Donald Trump as his Vice President, and take over the White House. The fact that I just wrote that sentence makes me want to claw my eyeballs out. We have candidates now who openly advocate the government led execution of their opponents. We have politicians posting videos of them “killing” members of the other political party. We have Joe Manchin, AOC, Mitch McConnell, Paul Gosar (ought to be Gozer), Jim Jordan, and frat boy douchebags like Matt Gaetz, and Madison Cawthorne. Politics is no longer about the people it’s a fucking sports ball rivalry game. It’s Michigan vs Ohio State, Alabama vs Auburn, it’s also Duke vs North Carolina. It’s no longer about what they’ll do in office, it’s solely about winning. Doesn’t matter what they do when they get in, doesn’t matter how or why they won, all that matters is that they win. It isn’t halftime, folks. We’re in overtime and they have the ball. Take Marjorie Taylor Greene for example. Absolutely batshit fucking nuts, yet half the country loves her. She reminds me of a stupid Nurse Ratched. A bozo who has routinely proven that not only does she not know the constitution, the odds that she’s even read it are slim and none. All she knows is how to create controversy because that’s the only thing her inbred base responds to. We do not have sensible people joining the ranks of congress on either side right now. It’s a fucking 535 person insane asylum.

3. The Democrats Are Fucking Losers: Look, I’m going to put this in terms that are impossible to misunderstand. Little Jimmy (Democrats) is walking down the street when Frankie (Republicans) bounces a rock off his head. While Frankie is busy celebrating by doing the bull dance, Jimmy stands up, holds his head high, and walks on. Until Frankie hits him with another rock, and another, and another, until Jimmy is laying on the ground bleeding and twitching. Meanwhile Frankie is running around challenging any witnesses “Fuck this kid, what are you assholes going to do about it?” Later on, when Jimmy is asked what he’s going to do to exact revenge, he responds with “My foe can do whatever he likes, I will always choose the high road.” The next day Jimmy gets a tooth knocked out after Frankie hits him with a brick. Get it? Do you understand now? Democrats refusal to admit there’s a fucking problem and just standing around like elitist dickbags chanting “High road. We take the high road” is part of the fucking problem. Whenever a democrat does something stupid, evil, or illegal the Republicans run around like cats on fire screaming about the injustice of it all until the democrats take action against one of their own. On the flip side, when a Republican does something stupid, evil, or illegal. The Democrats sit around saying “We condemn the actions of [insert name]” while the Republicans circle them and laugh at them endlessly. These whale dicked assholes think that they can take on a group of people who literally don’t give a fuck with strongly worded statements?? Fuck outta here. Until the Democrats stop being jackasses about all of this, they will find that 2022 is going to be an awful year.

4. Republicans Are Fucking Lunatics: Hey Righties, sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. I know you’re still getting off to my blasting the Dems, but you’re no fucking better. What in God’s name happened to your party? Did y’all just decide to drop thirty sheets of acid one day consequences be damned? Owning the Libs has become a war cry that is to be taken seriously no matter what the cost. Unconstitutional? Fuck ‘em. Unethical? Not our problem. Illogical? No such thing. There was a time that Republicans at least pretended that the constitution was a serious document. Now you’re willing to shit on it if it helps you own the Dems. You don’t care about morality! When you have conservative evangelical preachers praising ISIS for killing those sinful gay kids in Orlando, and you say nothing against it, your patriot card gets shredded. You went from taking over an empty federal gift store to trying to kidnap and kill a governor, to dressing up like an Eagle on crack and smoking weed in the Capitol building illegally. You guys are fucking nuts. You don’t care how Unethical your actions are so long as they own the libs.

There’s four to sink your teeth into. Whether you want to believe it or not, you’re standing at the OK Corral and Doc Holiday is about to shoot your nuts off. The sad part of this? You brought it on yourselves.

Many thanks to Kelson for typing this as I dictated. Anyone that has to listen to me speak for this long deserves gratitude and sympathy.

The Christmas Truce and History: Does It Really Matter?

In honor of Swedish metal badasses Sabaton releasing a new single about (my favorite part of WW1) The Christmas Truce of 1914, I’m focusing on something different tonight. We know that due mainly in part to technology, the world has become much smaller. Warfare has changed from the long, straight, strict lines of the British Red Coats, to the horrors of trench warfare, to the drone warfare we know today. The civil yet divided politics of yesteryear has evolved into the hate filled sportsball politics of today. So the question for today is this: do historical acts of kindness still matter? Does a singular moment from 1864, 1914, or even 1996 mean anything today.

For those that don’t know, the Christmas Truce took place Christmas Week on the Western Front during World War 1 between British and German troops. Having tired of piss poor trench conditions, non stop fighting, and the senseless deaths of many, 100,000 troops decided to cross No Man’s Land and exchange gifts, cigarettes, stories, carols, while an impromptu soccer match broke out. The best part is that it went against strict orders from both high commands. It was one of humanity’s greatest acts of kindness during one of its worst. A cross now stands at Ypres with the inscription. “Lest We Forget”, a sobering monument to an amazing moment in humanity’s history.

Of course, that’s not the first time we’ve seen this kind of wartime kindness. You can travel back to the 1860’s during the American Civil War. Fraternization with the enemy was something that would have landed a soldier behind bars, but there exists many records of such fraternization between Johnny Reb and Billy Yank. These instances normally occurred during post battle searches or picket duty. In one case, during a rather cold night, a confederate soldier with barely any clothes to keep warm made mention to a Union picket guard that his side had no coats nor blankets. The following night the Union soldier returned with six blankets. In his memoir he notes: “I never heard anybody pray such a prayer as the Southern soldier prayed for me, kneeling there in the snow in his ragged old uniform. I took off my hat and stood still till he was through, and then he faded away in the darkness” (Rolph 2002, p. 49). In another instance, a Union soldier had been badly wounded at the second battle of Manassas. A confederate soldier who had been bayoneting the mortally wounded Union soldiers paused for a moment before slowly lifting up his enemy’s head, giving him water from his canteen, and making sure he was given medical attention.

I made mention of 1996, and while this might not be a wartime sort of kindness it still took an incredible amount of courage. In ‘96, the KKK held a rally here in Ann Arbor. They were met by a crowd of protestors who didn’t want the hooded bastards anywhere near their peacefully progressive town. Suddenly the crowd noticed among them, a man with a confederate flag shirt and a Nazi SS tattoo on his arm. Focusing their anger on this single individual, the crowd knocked down and started beating the man with the stick end of their signs, kicks, and punches. At this same moment, a young 18 year old black woman named Keshia Thomas threw herself down on the man protecting him from the blows that were raining down from the crowd. When asked why she saved a man who would rather see her dead before doing the same for her, she responded “I know what it’s like to be hurt. I wish the times I’d been attacked someone would have intervened”

At the start I asked whether history’s kindness still matters. The fact of the matter is that the human race is a violent, angry race capable of inflicting horrible cruelties upon itself. A race that will fight for beliefs as archaic as the ground they fight on. So the answer to that question, is yes. Yes those acts still matter, because they remind us of what we can be, of what we should be. It’s folly to think the world will ever become some utopia where everyone gets along and prejudices disappear. That being said, it also reminds that we have a choice. That when we see someone who is down and out, who luck has turned its back on, we can make a choice. We can let them suffer and move on, or like Keshia Thomas, we can bring a little light to the darkness.

Like the cross at Ypres, we can stand as monuments to the kindness that this race has shown itself capable of. I know that’s not the Vogue thing to do these days. I know that division and hatred is the name of the game, but if there’s one thing we can learn from these instances, even enemies get tired of fighting.

On a slightly unrelated note, I’d suggest checking out Sabaton’s new single The Christmas Truce. Anyone that claims music doesn’t have power hasn’t listened to this.

Thanks for Coming, Here’s Your Trophy

The common knock on Millenials these days by a certain toothless, cousin fucking, demographic, is that they are whiners because they were raised on participation trophies. Thats right, little Debbie is a whining whore because she got a soccer trophy for coming in second. Interesting. Look, I grew up in a generation that gave you a trophy if you earned it. If you were a runner up in a hockey tournament, you got a trophy but it was considerably smaller than those given to the first place champs, as it should be. I can understand the logic behind participation trophies and entitlement issues, Im not saying thats not impossible. What I am saying, is that its really fucking funny that this criticism is being leveled by people sporting confederate flags, waving Trump Won signs, and in some cases sporting Neo-Nazi tattoos. Come on Cletus, you’re going to sit there with a straight face and complain about participation trophies when you’re sporting symbols of every major runner up since 1865? Good fucking god the lack of self awareness that takes is almost beyond belief. And who the fuck are you to bitch about ANYONE when all you do is complain about how ”the dems screwed Trump.” ”The election was stolen” you yell from your balcony as your sister wife stands by your side. Interestingly enough, when a Republican stole an election you were just fine with it. Why? because lets be honest, you dont care about fairness. You just want to make sure the other side loses. Again, pretty remarkable from someone sporting a shirt bearing the flag of the biggest loser in United States history.

You’re the same block of toothless, rube losers that claim there’s a war on Christmas every single year despite the fact that one never exists. How is it possible to be on the wrong side of everything all the fucking time? Millenials don’t trust the government, just like you. Millenials don’t trust the financial system, just like you. Millenials have a lot more in common with you than you realize, but because your preachers are that dimwitted hillbilly Aaron Lewis, the man who hasnt had an original idea in his life Kid Rock, and a man who has not only lied about his finances but just about everything else in his life Donald Trump, you’re convinced Millenials are the enemy. This is why you’re stupid. This is why you will always be stupid, and why you will always be wearing the symbols of losers and runner ups. Please don’t change. Knowing that brainless hicks like you exist, makes my job so much easier than it has any right to be. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, heres your participation trophy: 🖕

Truth, Justice, and the Dumb Fuck Way

In 2003, DC Comics release a three issue mini series called Superman: Red Son. It dared to ask the question: What if Superman’s rocket had crash landed in the Soviet Union instead of Kansas. Heres the brief synopsis as seen on Wikipedia: Instead of fighting for “truth, justice, and the American Way”, Superman is described in Soviet radio broadcasts “as the Champion of the common worker who fights a never-ending battle for Stalinsocialism, and the international expansion of the Warsaw Pact“. His civilian identity is a state secret.

In 2013, a video game was released titled Injustice: Gods Among Us. Again, here is the synopsis: In this reality, Supermanbecomes a tyrant and establishes a new world orderafter the Joker tricks him into killing Lois Lane and destroying Metropolis with a nuclear bomb.

Both were praised for their writing, their creativity, and the questions that each, while different forms of media, asked.

Fast forward to 2021 and it has been revealed that Superman has a new tagline: Truth, Justice, and a Better Tomorrow. Of course since this is the decade of rational reaction, intelligent thought, and common sense, a whole bunch of faux ass patriots are crying about it. Why? Simple, they dropped the “American way” from the tagline. The fucking audacity. You piss pots will complain about literally anything that you see as emasculating your precious American Exceptionalism. I cant believe I’m spending time dealing with the fact that you suck pots are losing your shit about a tagline that is actually more optimistic. After all, the American Way isnt exactly the kind of way a superhero with strong morals would go. I mean, if Superman were to do things the American way,he’d be stealing oil from the middle east, torching Mexicans with heat vision so they couldnt cross the border, bombing abortion clinics, and profiting off the advertising space he sells on his cape. I mean give Ted Cruise a cape and a personality, and you’d have American Superman.

Also, can we please remember that SUPERMAN IS A FUCKING ALIEN?!? You assholes wouldnt want him in the country even if he did exist. Lets talk about what this is really about: your fragility. You are so weak, so cravenly stupid, that anything that denegrates (in your mind) the identity youve thrust upon this country, spins you into a dimension of offended that most people couldnt reach if they tried. You are the bully that gets kicked in the dick and runs home crying to mommy. You are the one that dishes out insults to any and all yet reduced to a quivering ball of bitchness the second someone fires back. Youre the type that Superman would fight against not save. Hows that for American Way?

Call Me The Resurrection Man

I shut this site down over a year ago, because I realized that we had become so divided that the sides had been blurred and there was no way in hell progress was ever going to be made. After some time away and many hours spent observing the weirder/craziest elements of our society, Ive decided to bring this back solely as a mental heath break. Only this time, I dont give a fuck about politics. This space will be reserved especially for those of you who wake up every morning with the intention of poisoning the gene pool and poisoning society with your stupidity, your insanity, and your devotion to bullshit. I’m coming after your god, your faux outrage, your hideous lack of morals, your ”American Way”, and especially your lack of intelligence. Ignore me if you can, but if there’s something I’ve learned about you bitch ass faux patriots, it’s that your butt hurt won’t allow you to walk away. Youll get goaded into saying something the same way you got goaded into breaking into an empty federal bird sanctuary. So lay your hate on me you simple minded feebs. Give me your grammatically atrocious responses and your mind numbing lack of logic. Tell me how “patriot” blood flows through you, tell me how much more American than me you are, fill me with every ounce of hate you have and I promise you my pen will return it two-fold. You flag sucking shitheads. You bald eagle fucking wannabe’s. All your masturbatory fantasies of killing presidents and kidnapping governors has twisted what little brains you have left in those cavernous skulls of yours. You are now my entertainment, and i cant wait.


I’ve always prided myself on the fact when I make an oath, it sticks. Now, oaths are not promises. Far from it. An oath is a binding that comes from your very soul, whereas a promise is a wish of sorts. I’m about to break a promise I made here over a year ago. I promised to get out of the political arena, that I would never again drag myself through the shit infested waters that is American Politics. However, like certain people, promises have a way of getting broken. I promised I’d stay away because nothing I say, nothing I write, no mess of letters I scramble together will persuade anyone into doing anything. It’s a waste of time and talent to be frank. Yet, here we are. Why? I suppose part of it is an inability to allow bullshit to walk. Another part, I suppose, is that despite my desire to remain on the sidelines and watch this tournament of stupidity take place as an uncaring observer, that’s not who I am. Gods know that if I could change that, I would in a heartbeat, but I can’t, so instead I find myself lying in bed thrashing together these paragraphs for reasons I mostly don’t understand, and as always, you’ll play your part and make sure it doesn’t make one goddamn difference. See that’s what most people in the media don’t understand today. Once a mind is made up here in the 21st century, there is very little chance of it ever changing. If there were, the flat earth brigade would all be sitting at a bar drinking away the few IQ points they haven’t hilariously wasted in an effort to prove that the earth is flat. Maskers, anti-maskers, pro vaccine, anti vaccine, it doesn’t matter what side of the fifty yard line you line up on. Your heels have been dug into the earth and nothing in Heaven or in hell will make you budge. Round and round the carousel goes, where it stops, anyone whose been paying attention knows. Each side standing victorious on their side of the field claiming victory in a game that hasnt even been played yet. Fools dancing in the wind to a song that only they hear. You’ve spent so much time arguing with each other that you never stopped to wonder why we are constantly at each other’s throats. You turn on your television and one channel tells you that those who mask up and want the vaccine are part of a deep state plan to track you and steal your freedoms. You flip to another channel and it tells you that those who don’t wear masks or get vaccinated exist solely to infect you and your family and that anything short of shaming them to no end is considered weakness. One channel tells you to walk up to children (fucking children!) and rip their masks off. Another tells you that if your child has a friend who doesn’t wear a mask, they must immediately unfriend and stigmatize them. Meanwhile, while you peasants are arguing over who is morally superior, your government is doing the same thing it has for decades, playing off your fears. This is the same government that tried to get you to believe that a girl placing a flower in a gun was more of an enemy than the soldier who shot her on a college campus. This is the government that spent decades experimenting on a race of people because it could. This is the government that broke every treaty it ever made with the natives that walked this land before you. Yet you’re going to trust that what’s happening here is normal? That shutting down friends because they are making the best choices for them that they can is the right way to go? And you who do everything but follow the science…if you don’t trust the vaccine and you think covid is a hoax, why do you go to the hospital when you catch it? What gives you the right to take a bed from someone who actually needs it because the iron willed belief you had just popped like a fucking balloon? Each side screams freedom and yet neither side really knows what the fuck that word means. Actions have consequences. If you are in favor of masks, and you approach someone who doesn’t and you shove them or start yelling in their face, you don’t get to cry foul if they retaliate. If you are an anti vaxxer and you believe covid is fake, you don’t get to run to the hospital when you catch it. You make your decisions and you fucking live with the consequences. That’s freedom. I’ve spent twenty minutes wasting my time on this shit just so it can go ignored. That’s freedom. Stop fighting one another. Make the decisions that are best for you and then deal with the consequences. That’s freedom.

Life Has Teeth

When we are children, we open up to everyone. We have no fear of loss, or betrayal. The people around us take care of the things that we don’t even think of. As we get older, though, we begin to realize that life has teeth and it’s not afraid to bite us. We start to lose those that we thought would be around forever, we get betrayed by those that we trust more than all others, and we get bitten. Hard. Some of us come to terms with the fact that getting older means loss. It means becoming intimately involved with grief and pain. The rest of of us try to run from it. We try to find the emotional version of the fountain of youth. A place where grief and loss are unfamiliar. Where life is still a wonderland that doesn’t bite you when you least expect it. Too often we try to put limits on how people handle it. A man’s family dies in a car wreck, only he remains. He dutifully buries his family in the ground before burying himself in a bottle. He is met with impatience by those he loves because they see him slipping away. They see that they are in danger of being bitten. We all handle that knowledge differently. Some more constructively than others, but at the end of the day we all have to take our own journey through that particular landscape. If you’re reading this, I know you’re going through some sort of hell. Why? Because you’re alive and that’s part of what being alive is. Yes there are wonderful amazing parts to it, but there’s also hell. Know that I see you and I care about you. When your light burns out, I will sit with you in the dark while you make your journey. Most importantly, I promise that I won’t bite. 

The Dash

When you die, and they throw your tombstone up to guard your grave, there will be a date of birth and a date of death. In between the two will lie a hyphen (or dash if you prefer). In time, it won’t be your date of birth or death that people will remember. It’ll be the space that occupies the middle. They will remember who you were, what you did, how your life was spent. Sure, it’s easy to say “what do I care? I won’t be here.” No, you won’t. But maybe your children will be. Maybe your grandchildren will be around to hear what an example you were. Maybe, long after your spirit has departed this realm, one of your descendants will learn who you were, what you stood for, what values you carried in your heart. Your name is not yours to own. It has been borrowed from your ancestors, and one day you’re going to ask yourself if you will leave it bloodied and mangled for future generations to hold in contempt, or if you will leave it scuffed but filled with honor.


I had a story relayed to me once. I shall do my best to repeat it the best I can. A man was walking down the road and he came to a forest. Halfway through his travels in the forest, he laid eyes on an old man who was seated but hunched over in front of a giant tree. The man rushed over. “Sir” he said as he gently shook the old man’s shoulder. “Sir, are you okay? Do you need help?” The old man didn’t move nor did he utter a word in response. Grabbing the old man’s shoulder with a firm grip, the man inquired about his well being yet again. Still no response from the old man. Frustrated the man said “okay, I’ve tried to help, I need to be on my way.” At this, the old man looked up and said “when you get to the river, gather all you can.” The man jumped back in surprise. “River? This is a forest, what are you talking about? What am I supposed to gather?” The old man bowed his head again in response. Beyond frustrated, the man continued his journey. Not long after, the man came upon a small town. The fact that no one seemed to be around, piqued the man’s interest. He found a small tavern and entered. Behind the bar there was a man wiping down and stocking glasses. The man walked up to the bar. “Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?” The bartender never looked up, just continued wiping glasses. “Sir, please,” the man started. “Can you at least tell me where the people of this town are?” The bartender gave no quarter. “Can you at least tell me where I should go?” At this, the bartender lifted his head. “When you get to the river, gather all you can, you won’t be able to go back” the bartender replied. “What river?!?” “Why does everyone I meet talk about this river, what river, and what am I gathering??” The man in a fit of anger dropped his head and slammed his fists on the wooden bar. When he looked up, the bartender was gone. Frustrated beyond belief, the man continued on his journey until he finally came to a river surrounded by trees on his side and a mountain on the other. With nothing else on his mind but the cool, clear, water, the man jumped into the river and splashed around. With his frustrations gone, the man suddenly remembered what he was told. Gather all you can, you will never be able to go back. The man looked all around but the only thing he could grab were small stones on the river floor. So, he grabbed a handful in each hand and shoved them in his pocket. By nightfall, he had climbed to the top of the mountain, set up camp, and had a nice fire going. The man, eager to put the day behind him, quickly fell asleep. A few hours later, he was awakened by a pain in both legs. The man stood up and realized it was the stones in his pockets causing him discomfort. In a fit of anger he grabbed the stones from one pocket and was about to throw them over the side of the mountain when a gleam caught his eyes. He opened his hand and to his surprise, the rocks had turned to gems. There were diamonds and rubies, emeralds, and amethyst. The man looked over the side of the mountain to see the footholds he had used crumble and fall into the river. There was no going back. Suddenly, he had understood. Gather all you can because you can never go back


The moral of the story, obviously, is that you should live each moment 100% in the present, because once it’s gone, there’s no going back. That’s what that dash on your gravestone will represent. What did you gather? Did you make the most of every moment? Did you appreciate them for what they were or did you take them for granted? This is all you have. Whatever time you have left on this planet is it. There is no more. Once you die there is no coming back to revisit moments. When your grave stone is firmly planted in the ground, will your children, grandchildren, or even strangers, look at the space of someone who cherished every moment? Will they look at the space of someone who lived life with kindness and to the fullest? Or will they see the space of someone who squandered it all. The space of a person who was gifted life under the stars but wasted it because trivial things were too important. This is it. This moment. Right now. This is where you get to decide what people will remember about you. This is where you either bloody the name you were gifted or you fill it with honor. This is your time. This is your space. This is your river. Are you ready to gather all you can? Because There’s no going back.