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A Note to the Residents of Trumptardia

June 15, 2018

“When and if fascism comes to America it will not be labeled ‘made in Germany’; it will not be marked with a swastika; it will not even be called fascism; it will be called, of course, ‘Americanism’.” -Professor Luccock

I know why you did it. You see, unlike most people who think you lot are just inbred rednecks (no doubt there are some among you, James Woods perhaps) who live in shacks by the swamp and eat gator 3 times a day, I understand your motive. You consider yourselves to be the ignored, the outcasts that have been left to fend for yourselves. You came from towns where factory life wasn’t just a romanticized vision of 1970’s America. I understand that. I honestly do. In a lot of ways you share a similar mindset with the original hells angels. You feel like you got left behind by DC so you were going to make them pay. I hate to break it to you, but it would have been better if you were just dumb ignorant yokels that couldn’t read even the shortest of Dr. Seuss books. At least then we could pass off your incredible lack of empathy, common sense, and intelligence to your gene pool. We could say things like “Oh, you’ll have to excuse Mark, yeah he’s a Trump supporter, but his Uncle Father dropped him on his head when he was three and he ain’t been right since.” Unfortunately, the truth is that you don’t give a single shit about the country. In fact, you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself. You just wanted someone to blame for the fact that your lot in life wasn’t as good as you thought it should have been. You wanted to set the world on fire but you didn’t have the means to do it until that bloated orange authoritarian stepped into the spotlight.

Trump never hid his authoritarian tendencies. During his campaign he repeatedly wondered out loud if maybe the constitution was past its due date. He repeatedly trashed anyone that didn’t support him including veterans and disabled folk. He trashed our allies and he trashed our values. But you didn’t care because the people you were blaming for your lot in life were “butthurt” by all of it. Suddenly the snowflakes became the enemy. I was one of the members of the press that you hassled during a Michigan stop. I was there to report nothing but the truth and all you did for two straight hours before he stepped on stage was turn to the cage we had been put in and call us nazis and traitors. You did all of this because you wanted to be somebody. You wanted to count. I hope you feel like it was worth it, because here’s a newsflash: you will never be somebody and you will never count. You’ve shown your true colors by standing in line with a man who is dismantling decency second by second. You support a man who lies literally every single fucking day. You give your money willingly to an administration that is so corrupt (Scott Pruitt) that it makes Spiro Agnew look like a choir boy. You stand by an administration who blames democrats for a law that it could easily overturn but won’t. Thus everyday we get to witness children being wrenched away from parents and being stuck in cages as opposed to being sent back home with their families. You support a man who uses the Bible to justify things as opposed to the constitution upon which this country was founded. No, you will never count. When you are dead and gone, no one will remember you. Your life’s “work” will slip into the cracks of time and you will be forgotten. Just as it should be. You are not decent people. You are not the “misunderstood” patriots that the media keeps trying to paint you as. 100 years from now, when history classes cover this period of time, they won’t say “I wonder who those brave souls were that ushered in this new era of authoritarianism.” No, they will look at each other in disbelief and say “what kind of dumb fuck would ever willingly support this?” Your stupidity will last longer than your bloodline ever will and at night when you close your eyes, I hope your final thought before sleep takes you is that people like me will always be here to remind you of your treachery and your dumb fuckery. Enjoy your moment in the spotlight, because when that spotlight comes crashing down, there will be hell to pay, and I think you’ll find out that the very suckfish you support right now will be the ones turning on you.

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