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In God We Obfuscate

July 16, 2017

Last week, a photo surfaced from the White House of a bunch of Evangelical pastors laying hands on Donald Trump in the White House. One prominent evangelical leader immediately tweeted out the image with the caption: “President Trump is bringing God back to America.” So this is God, huh? It’s funny, during my many readings of the bible, I came to understand Jesus as one who didn’t turn his back on anyone, including the people that wanted to kill him. In political terms, Jesus is the kinda guy Trump Supporters love to bash. I can guarantee you, when Jesus gave his sermon on the mount, he didn’t say “Love thy God and kill the gays. While we’re at it, let’s denigrate white people (this was the middle east after all, it would be counter productive to denigrate brown people).” Whether you like to hear it or not, Christianity (as with all organized religions) has always been about control. It’s been the single greatest tactic of division in human history. Hell, look at all the wars started in the “name of God.” At least in the Middle Ages you knew who the enemy was because the Vatican made it quite clear. It was not a good time to be a witch or a brown person (has it ever been?) These days though, Evangelicals have turned Christianity into some really weird reality television version of Magic The Gathering or a role playing game. All you have to do is watch one of those doofy televangelists at work. “Are you feeling spiritually drained? Call this number now, make a $10 donation, and we will send you a bottle of prayer water.” Or my personal favorite from Benny Hinn: “Ward off energy draining demonic attacks with my prayer cloth.” Seriously, there was a time I used to think God was Colonel Sanders from Kentucky Fried Chicken, now I’m beginning to think he’s actually Gandalf from Lord of the Rings.  Half the time these daffy fuckers talk, I think I’m in the middle of a Champions of Norrath quest.

I guess my point to all this, is that Evangelicals have muddied the Christian waters so much, that it’s impossible to tell who the enemy is these days. Some days its the gays other times its brown people. According to Pat Robertson, last week it was anyone who criticized Trumpenstein. It’s almost like these people have no idea what they are talking about and are just making it up on the fly. But hey, at least in times of need they can surround you and put hands on you. The only way that sounds appealing is if there’s a happy ending. “In the name of the father, the son, and the holy load.” Too sacrilegious? I don’t care. You lost your ability to be faux outraged when you stood behind pastors like Joshua Feurstein when they went on live television and supported the terrorist attack in Orlando because the terrorists targeted gays. Enjoy Mike Pence while you can. You want salvation, and yet all you offer is confusion and division. The spotlight you are standing under may be warm and comfy right now, but it is starting to dim. When it finally burns out, you are going to wish you had a God on your side.

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