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The Downward Spiral of the Dumb Part 4: The Return of the Suckfish

June 8, 2017

Good morning weirdos! It’s been a long time since I’ve put together two Bastards pieces in under a week. I kinda feel dirty heh. Actually, that dirtiness I feel is in no thanks part to Republican state senator from Wisconsin Jesse Kremer. This genius actually threw out the following quote recently: “The Earth is 6,000 years old. That’s a fact!” My fucking gods. It takes an incredible amount of ignorance and stupidity to come to that conclusion. Then again, that’s apparently the new norm here in the United States of Ignorance. For the last few years, we have seen an astronomical rise in nutballs who believe the Earth is flat, and those who believe the Earth is anywhere from 4,000 to 6,000 years old. Dick Cheney has taken shits that are older than that. How is it possible to look out at things like fossils, the stars, mountains, even that Ten fucking thousand year old tree in Iceland and say that the world is only 6,000 years old?!? Are you fucking kidding me? Who are these fucking cretins? How do you get off being a public official and making decisions about education and science when you’re so goddamn doofy your beliefs don’t even allow the existence of dinosaurs? And who the fuck votes for these idiots? How can you in good conscience walk into a voting booth (I should end the sentence there but for lengths sake lets keep moving) and say to yourself: Wow, this guy thinks Jesus rode dinosaurs. Fuck yes he is going to make a fine decision maker. I sometimes wake up in the morning and feel like I’m in the middle of a Twilight Zone episode. A few years back, Ken Hamm (He of the amazingly weird Creation Museum fame) actually put out a video where he manhandled a banana and spouted off about how bananas are proof that evolution doesn’t exist. We actually live in an age where a guy can jerk off a banana on youtube and that is considered evidence. What a magical time to be alive.

As for the flat Earthers, holy hell, I want to party with you guys. Anyone that can come up with the idea that NASA is using holograms to convince us the world is round, is bound to have some damn good drugs on them. I’m really hoping that all these peeps are just folks who had a bad acid trip that never ended. “Jesus man, the Earth is Flat and the sun is unzipping itself! Christ, James, your mom turned into a dragon! Fuck NASA!” Or maybe we really live in a world that encourages this kind of dangerous stupidity. Personally, I’m putting the blame solely on the religious right. Here’s why: For years the religious right has cried out anytime they see a violation of their rights or their “free speech” and yet when they do it to other people, suddenly its okay. Evangelical pastors can come out on live fucking tv and say that their followers should beat/kill gays and it’s “religious freedom.” People decry the state of Kentucky using tax payer funds to build a goddamn Ark for Ken Hamm and his Creation Asylum, and suddenly its religious persecution. Seriously? You can go to church whenever you want, you can pray in your own home, you can even wear crosses around your neck in public. You’re right, that’s definitely persecution. Meanwhile, the rise in Neo Nazi membership here in the states has skyrocketed. Fuck the jews, right? By the way, if any of you swastika sporting dickheads comes across this, maybe you can answer a question for me. Why, if you hate Jews so much, do you dutifully follow the words of a…half Jew? I mean not for nothing, but that’s like me saying I hate black people yet running around preaching the words of  Barack Obama. I mean seriously, did you guys decide to get together in a room somewhere and say “Fuck Jews…well, except this one. He’s kinda cool.” I’m not even going to get started on the whole muslim thing. But yes, let’s talk about how Christians here are persecuted. When you are allowed to make education/science decisions based on a belief that is completely fucking wrong, you are not fucking persecuted.

Jesus fucking Christ I have completely lost my grip on this. You dingbats are so out there it’s not even funny anymore. It used to be. Shit, there was a time when a guy would come out and say that dinosaur bones were put here by the devil to lead people from god, and the country would laugh at him. Now it’s seemingly the other way around. A guy comes out and says the Earth is billions of years old and suddenly the response is: “Hey Craig, get a load of this wanker He thinks the Earth is billions of years old. Can you believe this guy??”

I used to love the movie Idiocracy. To me, it was an extreme version of what we are. Now, not only do I hate the movie, but I hate Mike Judge for making it. It’s only a matter of time before we start hearing “Welcome to Costco, I love you.” At that point, the Downward Spiral of the Dumb will be complete and the suckfish will have won.


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