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Ramblings From the Twilight Hall

June 6, 2017

It’s currently 2am and I’m watching Scooby Doo. No, not the shitty movie with Mr. Bean in it, the badass original cartoon. You know, the one where all the evil ghosts turned out to be old white men. After seeing it as an adult, I’ve gotta say, I’m pretty sure Jeff Sessions was the Miner Forty-Niner ghost. I’d say Sixty Niner, but that would require him removing his head from Trump’s ass long enough to seduce Steve Bannon. How’s that for a ghastly love triangle? Ugh the thought of it makes me want to puke all over Mike Pence. Why, you may be asking, am I shitting all over the Trump administration this late at night when I should be sleeping? The answer is fairly simple: Because I fucking can. Let me ask you Trumpanzees out there a little something: How the fuck can you possibly stick with this guy?!? Remember when George W nearly killed himself when he choked on the pretzel and banged his face off a table? All his supporters were slightly embarrassed and for the most part admitted that yes, maybe they had voted for a dunce. Trump throws out an illegible Covfefe tweet and y’all are like “Yes! Look at how great our mighty Orange President is!!” Seriously? And what’s the deal with this whole calling people snowflakes thing? You do realize you support the biggest one of them all right? If there was a snowflake pope, Trump would have a three foot tall hat. I will say (in his defense) that he is the most entertaining president I think we’ve ever had. I mean honestly, I can watch Melania Trump’s reactions to his attempts at affection all day long. It’s almost like she’s being caressed by some slimy, vile, disgusting creature…

That aside, his twitter rants are getting more and more ridiculous. Our thin skinned Orange in Chief just recently went after the muslim mayor of London. Right after a terrorist attack. Yes, let’s all stand in admiration of this man. I really wish Tony Blair had publicly ripped Rudy Giuliani after 9/11. I can only imagine the shitstorm that would have hit here. Hell, this is the country that got so angry at France for refusing to bomb Iraq with us, that we changed the name of French Fries to freedom fries and had wine bottle breaking parties. If Tony Blair had ripped Giuliani like Trump just ripped Khan, there would have been another fucking Tea Party in Boston Harbor. “Fuck you and your English Breakfast!” Actually, now that I think about it, Trump is the perfect president for our time. We live in a country in which a bunch of dopey “Patriotic” rednecks can take over a deserted federal gift shop at a bird sanctuary and be compared to the founding fathers. We live in a country that is so obsessed with being the best, that any opinion to the contrary is met with “You can just get the hell on out of here if you don’t like it.” The only things we are best at these days are wars (224 years out of 241), religious delusions, Incarcerations and science denial. Yay Team!

The more I listen to team Trump and their “Make America Great Again” bullshit, the more I understand just how much of a ride some of you got taken for. The carnival popped into town, the tents were pitched, and this orange carnival barker drew you all in with promises he would never be able to keep, and labeling himself as the ultimate outsider. He said he was going to play tough with everyone. That he was the only one strong enough to deal with foreign leaders…and then he hopped in a golf cart at the G7 summit because he was too tired to walk. I mean, when it comes right down to it, you basically elected the adult version of that shitty kid from Problem Child. I get being angry at the system and throwing a collective Fuck You at it, but when that Fuck You turns on you and you still support it? Son, that is some serious Stockholm Syndrome shit right there. Then again, this country has always ignored history anyway, so why start paying attention now right? At least there’s a silver lining to all of this. When this ship hits the iceberg and goes down, at least we’ll know why.


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