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Taco Trucks and Free Speech for the Dumb

September 14, 2016

Before I begin, I’d like to apologize for laying this shit at your feet before the coffee has had a chance to kick in. Writing is a lot like incontinence…it doesn’t matter where you are or what time it is, when it’s ready to come out, it’s not waiting for anything. Which is why I am now faced with the hideous prospect of writing about lunatics, taco trucks, and a butt grabbing homeless man before 8am. So last week I was rolling through the tv channels looking for a football game and came across some jabbering yahoo on CNN talking about the nightmarish reality of taco trucks on every corner of America if Hillary Clinton wins the election. At first, I was all on board with the idea. If you’ve ever eaten at a good taco truck, you have a pretty good idea of what food nirvana is like. A few days later, I had a run in with an old friend on Social Media. Suddenly it all came back to me. The year was 2003, I had just survived a year long battle with kidney cancer and was feeling invincible. My buddy Mikey and I were headed to the Dally in the Alley in Detroit where his band Generation Zero was headlining the local stage. Now, Mikey has always had this aversion to people touching him. He tends to shrink away and shriek like a hawk at the offending party which usually leads to hilarious reactions. At any rate, once we hit the downtown area, we decided to stop at a taco truck on Brush St. Mikey was in line ordering when this nutty homeless guy (who had been yelling at parking meters about 25 feet from us) walks over to Mikey, smacks his ass, and says “You’re pretty sexy for a white boy.” Mikey jumped, shrank back, and yelled “DON’T YOU TOUCH ME!” To which the homeless man sneered and responded with “fuck you, get out of my city.” I, of course, started laughing my ass off which was met with great annoyance. At any rate, after reliving this in my head, I came to the realization that while I may think taco trucks on every corner would be amazing, there are people like Mikey out there who will constantly be in mid battle between a growling stomach and the very real fear that somewhere near the truck, some ass smacking homeless man is just waiting to pounce.

Now that I’ve gotten that gibberish out of the way, I can focus my frustration solely on Nationalism. I was hoping that this NFL bullshit would last a week and the short attention span of this country would focus on something else equally ridiculous. Unfortunately, when Colin Kaepernick decided not to stand for the National Anthem during a pre-season football game, the discussion ended up being nowhere near the vicinity of why he actually sat down. Instead, it focused on free speech, nationalism, and conditionary citizenship. Let me preface this by saying that this is NOT aimed at those who disagree with Paperdick or those who want to call him a shithead. This is aimed at the people who think that not standing for the anthem is grounds for execution or the removal of citizenship. There are so many places I could start here. First off, when a pastor comes out and says that anyone who sits for the National Anthem needs to be executed to the cheers of hundreds, its time to take a long hard look at who we are. This country was founded by men who were sick of being told that their loyalty to the crown had to be shown a certain way, that the betterment of England was the only reason for their continued existence. So naturally, Sam Adams and company shot anyone who refused to stand for “God Save the King.” This week, there was a hawkish republican (is there any other kind?) who came out and said that if you dont stand for the anthem, your citizenship should be questioned. Outstanding. So essentially, if you don’t stand for the anthem, you should have your citizenship taken away. I have to wonder if we are the United States of America, or the United States of North Korea. “But CJ….the disrespect!” You know what? If you are more offended by someone not standing for the anthem than you are by all the unholy fuckery our government has unleashed on the world…then perhaps you should step back, take a deep breath, and unfuck yourself. This country has broken every goddamn treaty it has ever brokered with the Natives. Contrary to popular belief, reservations in this country are shitholes. Why would any self respecting native stand for that song? A few years back some neo nazi fuckhead decided to step into a black church and kill 9 people in an attempt to start a race war. So naturally the cops killed him on sight. Ooops, I forgot, they took him to fucking Burger King. Meanwhile in Los Angeles, a hispanic mother and daughter were ambushed and shot at 100 times by cops who had mistaken her for someone else. Surprise surprise, not only were there no charges, but the shithead cops that did it, weren’t even suspended. These days, much has been made of Trump’s statement that Mexico is sending nothing but rapists, drug dealers, and murderers to the US. Why would a hispanic person ever stand for that anthem these days? After World War 2, black vets came home from fighting a bunch of hopped up tyrannical Nazi’s only to be told they couldn’t use the same bathroom as white people. Cassius Clay refused to go to Vietnam because it went against his morals. He was called a nigger and a coward. A few months ago, Leslie Jones was overrun by a bunch of racist assholes who compared her to gorillas, photoshopped pictures of her head on an ape, and a few assholes even went the “fat nigger” route causing her to leave Twitter for a few days. Why? because she was in a remake that people weren’t happy with. Two weeks ago Colin Kaepernick sat down for the anthem and was told to “move to Africa” and called an “uppity nigger”. Why the fuck would anyone in the black community stand for the national anthem? A few months ago, an Orlando nightclub predominantly attended by gays was shot up by a pissed off terrorist. In the days that followed, a bunch of religious leaders and even a few politicians defended the shooting by saying that the bible calls homosexuality a sin. Yes, you read that right, there were Americans that actually defended the actions of a guy who swore loyalty to ISIS.  This of course came after a supreme court decision that allowed gay marriage. Which, of course, was met with instant anger. Fuck the gays, what gives them a right to happiness. “CJ…standing for the anthem is showing respect for the vets and the people who died for your freedoms.” So what does that make Memorial Day and Veterans Day? Here’s what I don’t understand. In 2014 reports showed that Vets who needed medical and mental health services from the VA hospital were basically tossed aside due to extreme negligence on the part of the government. Last week, a vet walked into a VA clinic (for the 9th time) asking for help with his PTSD. When they turned him away again (for the 9th time) he walked back out to his car and killed himself. I have a family friend who spent time in ‘Nam. He’s developed some wicked side effects from Agent Orange. He doesn’t make a lot and the VA doesn’t help out much. Every month he gets a check from the United States Government for…wait for it…$100. So much for respecting the vets. I also find it funny that vets that have come out in support of Kaepernick (“I fought to defend his right to sit”) have been called un-American, or stupid. So apparently respecting vets only happens if they agree with your view point.

I guess my point to this gibbering mess, is that this country is called the Land of the Free for a reason. Im allowed to have opinions that you disagree with and vice versa. That being said, when we start talking about executing or taking away citizenship from people for not standing for a song…we trample on everything that makes this country good. We need to stop going to extremes every single time someone does something we don’t like. It’s not okay to kill a bunch of people because you saw two guys kissing in public. It’s not okay to set a woman on fire because she’s wearing muslim garments. It’s not okay to label all white people as racist assholes because of the actions of their ancestors, and it’s not okay to call someone a nigger because they refuse to stand for a song. Want to be upset by it, go ahead. Call the guy a dickhead or a loser, burn his jersey for all I care. But when he starts getting bombed with tweets calling him a nigger…it validates his very actions.

 

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