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Rodger Wonka and the Bullshit Factory

September 20, 2014

Jesus, what a rotten night. I got chased down the hall by some kind of mutant spider that looked more like something out of Aliens than anything else. As per usual, the doof upstairs is up to his old tricks. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these days, one of these chicks takes a shotgun, shoves it up his ass, and pulls the trigger. What a humiliating way to go eh? Speaking of humiliation, it’s been a long time since a public figure has had a month filled with extreme shame, violence, and humiliation. Unfortunately for Rodger Goodell and his honked up NFL, his time had come due, and what a fucking month he had. First he had to come out and muddle his way through a half assed explanation as to why he gave a guy who smoked weed a year long suspension, and a guy who knocked his wife out in an elevator, a mere two games. After completely Elmer Fudd-ing that, he then curled up under his desk in the fetal position when news broke that a star Running Back had gone Roots on his four year old son and whipped the shit out of him. By the time the Carolina Panther-Greg Hardy fiasco had come around, rumor had it that Goodell was prone to fits of insanity and spent his down time pacing and muttering to himself. The owners of course rallied behind him, because that’s what old rich white guys tend to do. Throwing one of their own under a bus is at best blasphemy, and at worst outright treason.

As bad as the previous three weeks were, they were nothing compared to Rodger Goodell’s amazing press conference this afternoon. Aside from the fact that he showed up nearly an hour late, he then talked about how there was complete failure all around him but somehow, someway, the league would start getting things right. If this daffy bastard had a fraction of the balls he pretends to have, he would have walked up to that podium this afternoon, admitted that he was a dunce and a fool, and resigned on the spot in a fit of tears and histrionics. At least it would have been believable. Instead, we got Rodger the Robot who read from his script like he was a 3rd grader giving his first book report.

It’s bad enough that the NFL is in survival mode right now, but to have some dopey clueless commissioner who reads some generic script that not even he believes in, is downright suicide. Once again the suckfish has risen, begging someone to stand up and bash it over the head until it lies motionless on the dock. Unfortunately, the only people in position to do that, are the owners, and as long as they are making money, they don’t care what goes on with Rodger Wonka and his Bullshit Factory. Until that changes, don’t expect the NFL to become a beacon of morality.

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