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The Devil Went To Virginia

June 26, 2014

It’s a little known fact, that before trotting on down to Georgia and being humiliated by Charlie Daniels and his fiddle, the Devil actually started in Virginia. He had heard about the scenery and southern hospitality and decided that a break from the holy war would be a good idea. However, when he stopped in Virginia Beach to fill up, he was beaten with a cane and called all sorts of names like “Filthy faggot,” and “Sheep Fucker.” The name of the man who accosted him was Pat Robertson and we shall get back to him shortly. At any rate, after recovering from his wounds, Ol’ Splitfoot trotted on down to Georgia where a moonshined up hillbilly proceeded to humiliate him in front of his friends and family. Needless to say, the Devil hasn’t been back to the South. Unfortunately for us, the Devil forgot to take Pat Robertson with him, and we have been stuck with that gibbering troll ever since.

What kind of a wretched bullfrog do you have to be if even the Devil wants no part of you? Everyday it’s a new calamity caused either by the sins of homosexuals and their animal humping supporters, or the atheists and their ilk who have angered God and brought down swift and terrible justice upon the Earth. Each night, the man, if you can call him that, sits behind his desk and rants and raves about the injustices of it all and how HE is here to guide you through the turmoil. Yes, this would be the same Pat Robertson who predicted Doomsday would come in 1982. It’s no wonder Ronald Regan was such a big fan. Like Robertson, Regan had a fascination with the apocalypse as well. He was convinced that the 80’s were the time of the great culling. Unfortunately, he was wrong and we all had to deal with a near decade of Uncle Ron.

This past week, Robertson came out and predicted that swift justice was coming for the US as a result of the country turning its back on God. Of course, anyone with half a brain either flipped the channel or beat off. Both of which are far more productive than sitting through an episode of the 700 Club. Thankfully for Pat, he has a whole host of zany wackadoo followers/fans who cling to his words like he’s some kind of modern day Moses ready to lead them to the promised land. These people are of course everywhere. While ordinary folk are prepping for economic hardship or yet another war, these bazoos are preparing for the day that God pulls out his giant saintly dick and once again pisses on his people. Manna from Heaven indeed.

I know that when I single someone out. there is usually a crystal clear, valid reason for it. In all honesty. I just hate Pat Robertson. Everytime he shoots off his bazoo the media picks it up and then I get to deal with his supporters whether I want to or not. Ignorance is a hell of a thing to try and fight, and Pat Robertson delivers freighters full on a daily basis. I just hope that for the Devils sake, Robertson is wrong again. Otherwise Hell is going to be filled with a bunch of people the Devil doesn’t like.

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