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More Nursery Rhymes for the 21st Century

June 4, 2014

I Had A Little Nut Tree: I had a little nut tree…until the Department of Agriculture declared it to be endangered leading to the demolition of my house and my forced removal from the property.

Simple Simon: FDA Agent Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair. He promptly arrested the pieman for not having the proper licenses to sell pie. On top of that he confiscated all the pies and fined the poor bastard $1500.

Twinkle Twinkle: twinkle Twinkle Little Star How I wonder what you are…wait, its just a spy satelite nevermind.

Peter Peter: Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater Had a wife and couldnt keep her He placed her in a pumpkin shell then did 45 years at Rykers for murder in the first degree

3 Blind Mice: 3 blind mice were beaten and shot by the cops when they refused to read and observe the stop sign the cops were holding.

Come to the Window: Come to the window my baby, with me, so we can watch the SWAT team raid our neighbors house.

Baaa Baaa: Baaa Baaa Black Sheep…what the fuck? This rhyme is racist I want reparations

The House That Jack Built: This is the house that Jack built. It was burned down by the DEA who fucked up the intel and raided the wrong house.

London Bridge: London Bridge is falling down…because of a technical error that led a US Drone to identify it as a terror suspect.

In Spring I Look Gay: Ok seriously? First its little pussy now its gay? Whats next a Bi-Mulberry bush?

 

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