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The Dawn of the Offended

September 26, 2013

I woke up this morning and realized that all of the issues that have been pissing me off for the last few months boil down to one thing. That thing happens to be this country’s lack of balls. We lack the balls to say what needs to be said, we lack the balls to do what needs to be done, and we sure as fuck lack the balls to be the kind of people we need to be. 2013 is the year of the Offended, in fact, this entire century will be known in history as the age of the pussy, and I’m not talking about the good kind either. This country is full of people who wake up every morning and actively search for things to be offended about. When they find it, they cry and cry about it until the offending object/statement/face is either banned, disciplined, or locked away in a closet.

People run around this country waving their morality flag and smacking anyone in the face who doesn’t live by those exact “standards.” This pussification of America needs to end and it needs to end now. How much money a year is wasted on frivolous lawsuits because some dingbat got offended by something stupid? How much time is spent listening to our assholes in Congress go back and forth about which party made the most offensive statement. Want that shit to end? Then end government. Simple as that. And if the idea of people running their own lives the way they see fit is offensive to you, then maybe you are one of the numerous dickbags this piece is about. I’ve noticed that the people running around yelling about morality are the very same people that have none. Hard to get people to take you seriously when you are a douchebag hypocrite yes?

A long time ago, being an American stood for something. It stood for hard work, pride, humility, and family. These days it stands for bitching, moaning, and reality TV. You fuckers that get so offended by everything have been allowed to have your way for far too long. Just understand that from now on if I see any of you assholes in front of stores or on street corners baiting people, I will pull out my verbal canon and blow holes in you the size of Texas. I will make you feel an inch tall and truly give you something to feel offended about. I will pound you repeatedly with truths about yourself that will kill whatever fight you have left in you. Your day is over. It’s time that people bring back a sense of pride to who they are.

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