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Patriotic Addictions

May 31, 2013

I’ve come to realize that the American public is made up of a few basic addictions. Addictions that have gotten so far out of hand, that it has nursed a cultural overdose. I really hate doing “list” blogs but you swine have forced my hand. Your inability to control your own damn addictions is forcing me to pull this format out YET again. I hope you are proud of yourselves. The next time you look in the mirror through those fuzzy, proudly “patriotic” eyes of yours, understand that the reflection you see is your own doing. This country has crumbled brick by brick and it is because of these unhealthy addictions that you constantly shoot yourself up with and then, as if that wasn’t enough, try to force on others. Well, the jig is up kiddo. The doctor is in the house and he is going to bitch smack the stupid out of you. That being said, before we can address the solution, we must address the problems. They are as follows:

  1. “Patriotism”: For some ungodly reason, Americans seem to think that Patriotism consists of blessing all things in uniform and damning all things that don’t line up with their beliefs. Add a teaspoon of the Pledge of Allegiance and a nice shot of The American Flag and you have yourself a star spangled jackass. This country used to have one HUGE patriotic day. That was Independence Day, July 4th. NOW not only do we have the 4th of July, but we have the National Day of Service, Loyalty Day, Flag Day, and my favorite: Go Fuck Yourself Day (Election Day). There is something incredibly wrong with a country that claims to be free, pimping a Loyalty Day. As our esteemed Commander In Dickness explained, Loyalty Day is a day in which you should take time out to say the Pledge of Allegiance or sing the National Anthem. Really? The Pledge (as Ive covered before) was written by a Socialist who was trying to sell flags for Flag Day. To most Americans, Patriotism means blindly supporting your government. Even if that government has more in common with King George the 3rd than it does the Founding Fathers. In the famed words of Inigo Montoya, “I do not think that word means what you think it means.”

    2. Addiction to Heroes: Speaking of things in uniform…Americans love a man in uniform. They also apparently support ALL men in uniform even if some of the men in those uniforms are evil bastards. Lets start off with the military. In this country, speaking out against ANYONE that wears a military uniform is basically received as well George Bush in Iraq. The fact is, our military is growing more and more violent. Recently reports were released that Sexual Assaults in the military were up 35%. To give you a number, that means 26,000 members of the military were sexually assaulted by their own. See that as a minor thing? If you do, this article is aimed directly at you. Call me crazy, but I’m not supporting anyone that goes around hurting other people ESPECIALLY people that are supposed to be able to trust them with their lives. Does this mean that I don’t support any of them? Absolutely not! I have friends that were/are in the service and they are good people. My point is that unquestioned hero worship is a really dangerous form of behavior. Take cops for example. We are told to respect the uniform. What happens when that uniform goes crazy and beats the shit out of a 14 year old kid because the kid was giving him “dehumanizing looks?” Yeah that actually happened in Miami Florida last weekend. How about the incident in which a cop stun gunned then shot a kid who was sitting on his couch because the kid asked to see credentials? That too happened in California this week. Every day there is more and more violence towards the American people by people who wear the “uniform.” Support those who deserve it and speak out against those who DON’T.

    3.George Bush Syndrome: If there is one thing most Americans can agree on, its that George W. Bush came off looking like a half wit blob fish. Unfortunately, most Americans do as well. You see, this country has this Stupidity fetish and I don’t understand it. Take this Boston Marathon attack. Most of the key players involved are now dead. One of them was recently killed in his own home by Feds who claimed he had a knife. Turns out the kid was unarmed. But hey, most Americans don’t care. All I heard was “Good Fuck that guy!” Very few bothered to ask why a kid was signing a confession to a triple homicide in his house instead of a police station. Not for nothing, but I have yet to see a case where someone commits a murder and DOESN’T get dragged into the police station to sign his confession. I am completely amazed at the fact that the American people can walk around all day and NOT question a single thing that takes place. IRS targets Conservative and Liberal groups, no one cares. Eric Holder signs off on a warrant to spy on a reporter, no one cares. Obama drone bombs countless countries, no one cares. What the fuck is wrong with you people? I understand addictions, I really do. I was once addicted to cocaine and it was a real son of a bitch to break. The thing is, you have to WANT to break your addiction and I don’t think you do. You’d rather sit at home and watch that human Teletubby Honey Boo-Boo than take an interest in whats going on around you. Monsanto is running around buying off politicians like it’s a garage sale and a lot of you don’t care. You figure that come next election day you’ll just “vote for the other guy.” Hate to break it to you Jack, but the other guy is just as corrupt and just as evil as the current guy. You run around talking about the “Land Of the Free” but you live in the land of the corrupt and tyrannical.



Solutions: Ok, so we know the problems. How do we stop? First of all, pull your head out of your ass and stop trusting everything you read and see. For starters, go ahead and look up all the examples I mentioned here. Follow up on my statements. Go ahead, I’ll give you a few minutes I’m not going anywhere.  <Musical Interlude> Go ahead and do it? Good. That right there is called fact checking. Its about making sure that you aren’t being fed a bunch of bullshit in order to get you to lean one way or the other. Now that you have fact checked it, you should feel a little stirring in your stomach. That is a natural reaction to finding out that things aren’t as fucking rosy as you thought they were. Continue to do this with everything you read/hear. Let your heart and your instinct be your guide. Once you get in the habit of doing that, you will find that a lot of what you think you know is wrong. At that point, anger will set in. You will feel this little ball of rage form in the pit of your stomach and you will want to smash something. If I may make a recommendation, taking a baseball bat to your television is both cathartic and productive. Once you have obliterated the magic picture box, you will be able to think clearer. The ideas and propaganda that were jammed into your skull by the talking heads will no longer stalk you.

Like all addictions, these will be hard to break. I realize that you may end up waking up in the middle of the night with a craving to listen to Bill O’Reiley or Chris Matthews, but it is a craving you must fight. Once the cravings start to go away (usually takes 7-10 days) you can focus on helping the people around you. They will resist, just like you are resisting me right now, but in time they will come around. Be patient, use a little tough love, but always speak from the heart. George Bush syndrome is a horrible disease, but together we can overcome these horrible addictions and bring this country back to where it should be. You’re welcome.


Dr. Snarky Snarkerson


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