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The Taxman Cometh…On Your Face

April 10, 2013

Next Monday we arrive at an unofficial national holiday. You call it Tax Day, I call it National I.R.S Jerk Off On Your Face Day. This is the day in which lines of people form around the post office in order to send their hard earned money off to the government in order to avoid fines and jail time. As a way to justify this unusual behavior, phrases like “We need taxes to pay for our roads” and “Taxes help our schools” get thrown around. The only problem with those phrases, is that they are dead fucking wrong. If taxes paid for the infrastructure of this country, would we still be travelling in trains that were fashionable in 1880? Would we still be driving on roads that resemble those in a bombed out Beirut? Would our bridges be so rickety that every year our infrastructure grade comes in at a generous D-? The answer to all of the above is a resounding NO. And yet, this morning I ran over something that was either a pothole, or an undiscovered cave system.

“Ok smart guy if taxes don’t go towards our infrastructure what do they go towards?” They go to pay off the interest from the governments loans. “Come again?” Yes, that’s right. You see, there is a species in Washington D.C. called the Chicken hawk. The Chicken Hawk is a greedy little fuck of a species that thinks just because it has its own money pig, that’s a green light to borrow all the money it wants.  The unfortunate thing about the Central Bank system, is that when you borrow money, there is interest applied to the amount you borrowed.  For example if you decide to borrow $100 and they apply a $1 interest fee to every dollar you borrow, suddenly your payback goes from $100 to $200. How this works with the government is this: The government borrows trillions of dollars from the Federal Reserve. Since the only way the Fed makes money is through interest, the Fed applies an interest rate to these loans.  Now the government finds itself in a position of holding a mass amount of debt PLUS a shitload of interest. This is where you come in. Your taxes directly go to pay off the interest from the loans that the government has taken out.

“So what?” I figured you’d say that. Let me put it this way. Say I take out a $50,000 loan and all I’m concerned about is paying off the interest on said loan. Lets also say I waylaid you outside your apartment, hold a gun to your head, and force you to give me $5,000. You’d react the way most people would react and end up in jail for killing a bunch of innocent people in your apartment complex. Just kidding. You do all the hard work of tracking down your money and after a month or so of serious hardship you find out that I took your $5,000 to pay off the interest on my loan. Suddenly you are walking around with a massive pit in your stomach wondering how anyone could be so heartless as to steal your hard earned money.

This is where the I.R.S. comes into the picture. You see, up until 1913 the Internal Revenue Service did NOT exist. It was only after the Federal Reserve came into existence that the I.R.S first saw the light of day. Since 1913 the government has been telling you that your tax dollars go to rebuilding roads, infrastructure, and the overall well-being of the nation. The reality is that the I.R.S holds a gun to your head while you use your hard earned money to pay off interest on loans that have gone towards the bombing of children in the Middle East, the building of a drone army that invades your privacy, and the overall funding of raping your rights. So, having no other choice, you pay your taxes. If you’re lucky, the I.R.S. will blow a wad of cash on your face which is seen as a great gift. The fact is that it’s just a portion of your stolen money being returned to you.

“Ok C.J this is ridiculous. What about Social Security know it all”. Glad you asked bub. There is documented proof that the Government has stuck its little pudgy fucking hands into the Social Security pot. The fact that Social Security is another fraud is something I will get into at another date, but the fact remains that if the government REALLY truly cared about taking care of the people in this country, it would. Instead, this country has a fetish for war and Homeland Security. They don’t give a fuck about anything else. Never have. Don’t believe me? Maybe this will shake your shit. The United States of America has been in existence for 237 years. Of those 237 years we have spent 168 of them at War. Yeah, you read that right. Of the 237 years we’ve existed, we have only seen SIXTY-NINE years of peace. That is fucking insane. If that doesn’t disturb you in the least, you are either literally retarded and don’t have the capacity for that kind of thought, in which case I am almost jealous of you, OR you live on a level of stupid that has never before been known to human kind.

Either way, come next Monday you will line up and do your “duty” as an American citizen and stand humbled as the I.R.S. once again performs its annual ejaculatory ritual. Enjoy it America, you’ve earned it.

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