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The Anal Sex Apocalypse

April 4, 2013

Pat Robertson showed up on TV last week and reiterated his belief that these were indeed the end of days, and that anyone who didn’t follow him blindly into the holy abyss, were doomed sure as hell. From a personal standpoint the only redeeming quality Christianity, as an organized religion, brings to the table, is its amazing entertainment value. The Book of Revelations alone could rival any work written by Stephen King in terms of sheer terror. Stephen King has Pennywise the Clown, God has the Beast with 10 heads. Sure, why not? Nothing keeps the sheep in line quite like the threat of being devoured by some toxic beast from another dimension.

The Book of Revelations is a lot like dating. Just when you think you are safe from the perils, it turns around, bitch slaps you, then goes and fucks your neighbor just to teach you a lesson. No sir it is not wise to get uppity around the Hellfire and Brimstone crowd. Theirs is a serious business. No room for fun and games when they are pounding the pulpit. Which brings me to the topic at hand. I realize I touched on this a few days ago, but it is my firm belief that there can never be enough articles or pieces documenting the stupidity of the Religious Right. The most recent foray into the spiral of the dumb comes in the form of Virginias bazoo of an Attorney General. This Revelation thumper believes that oral sex and anal sex should be outlawed as they are sinful behaviors. Given that this man more than likely rose to power on his knees, it would certainly seem like an odd battle to wage. Then again, there is no battle too weird or too daffy when it comes to defending the Bible’s code. I’m surprised one of these dodo birds hasn’t come out with a piece of legislation making it illegal to name your kid Judas. Now, getting back to the criminalization of blowjobs and sodomy, the only thing I’m really curious about, is how they are going to catch people in the act. I mean not for nothing, but unless Virginia decides to place “Sex Cops” in the bedrooms of every person in the state, I fail to see how they are going to catch anyone. Not to mention, I wonder if this will apply to the governments continued ass fucking of the American people?  I suppose symbolic sodomy would be ok right?

The amazing thing to me, is that the American people put up with this bullshit. Last year the state of Michigan LITERALLY waged a war on the word Vagina. Seriously. This led to three days of protest at the state capitol. Unfortunately those protests fell on deaf ears, and the moral majority went right on with their insane agenda. I hear people bitching all the time about the Religious Majority overstepping their bounds. There was a story last year about Yoga being banned in school because it could lead children away from Christianity. Really? Apparently if you stay in the Awkward Chair Pose for too long, Satan will infiltrate your soul and you will become one of those demonic, anal sex having, heathens. Whatever happened to storming the bastille?

Ok Big Shot whats your solution?  It sounds like these people suffer from a disease known as Tightass-itis. Common cure: A good old fashioned ass fucking.

-Snarky

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