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Perfectly Imperfect

February 20, 2013
The  wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more painful then what bleeds. 
True scars are not seen by the eyes, but are felt with the heart.
You see a beautiful smile, I feel pain in my soul. 
The days are as Dark as night.
If you could read my mind, you would cry.
 
Depression is something That I have struggled with my entire life. People seem to judge you by whats on the outside and never try to reach your soul.  Mental Illness is often over looked. Its treated as a “problem” if you talk about it, than you will be fine. Your problems are solved by paying people to listen.  However people seem to over look the fact that it is an actual illness. After years of struggles, up and downs, lows and darkness. I found out that my body produces little to no Serotonin
( Basically that’s what tells your brain it is happy) This can lead to  depression, as well as obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, panic, and even excess anger and mood swings.  That about hits the nail on the head with me! I have been on and off medication for about a year now. To say I am “cured” would be a lie. I struggle every single day. I have never in my life been happy for an entire day. Those cheery bubbly girls that everyone loves, drive me absolutely crazy. I feel like I should be like them, everyone loves them. That my friends is a goal that will never be reached by me, or alot of others who struggle with mental illness.  Chances are I will always be the girl who get emotional easier, gets mad faster, has extreme lows, and very few highs. I think accepting that has to be the first step. I hide behind sarcasm and witty jokes. I cry almost every day. I have absolutely no patience and I tend to yell at annoying people, who are probably only annoying to me.
 
The reason I am writing this is because I am tired of the idea that we are all supposed to ” get better” Everyone is supposed to fit into this category of the perfect person. We need to be who everyone expects us to be. Well, That’s bullshit. I will never fit into that mold, and I have come to realize that I do not have to. I have come a long way, and I have realized that I am good enough. I am perfect to me, screw what everyone else thinks. True happiness comes from accepting you for you. The sooner we all realize that the better off we will be. Society has a pretty messed up idea of perfection anyways. Chances are us ” freaks” are way better people then those seemingly  perfect people who live next door. The best thing I ever did was accept myself, flaws and all. I am imperfectly perfect.
 
-Kay Horton
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3 Comments
  1. teri mcintyre permalink

    OMG, another VERY heart felt message here.This hits so close to home,for so many of us “imperfect” people.I am just beginning to accept my self for who I am,and i am 55 years old.THANK YOU .This and so many other of the messages here,have really helped me begin to open my eyes….to the REAL WORLD.

  2. l.m.m permalink

    sounds like me..thank you for bringing it out

  3. kathy burkhardt permalink

    OMG that is like a story of me,thank you for making me cry again,thought I was done for the day!!!!!!I MISS MY FAMILY,AN FRIEND!!!!!

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