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Letter to the DHS (Revised)

February 5, 2013

Dear Janet Napolitano,

       I recently had the pleasure of going through one of your little TSA pat downs and I must say it was quite a bit more arousing than I had expected. As you can imagine a guy with my reputation doesn’t get much in the way of attention so when I start feeling lonely I know exactly where to go. I must admit some disappointment though. As I was going through the pat down process I saw many passengers complaining about the violations of their rights. This does not bode well for you. Granted, most Americans are too wrapped up in soul sucking diversions such as American Idol, and Dancing with the Stars, to really voice their opinion outside of text voting, but even a minority voice can be dangerous. If you don’t believe me go read up on The White Rose group that Sophie Scholl started back in 1941. I admit that had I used the TSA patdown system those flyers may never have been distributed. Then again I have noticed many instances of box cutters, knives, and even guns making it past TSA agents so it probably wouldn’t have mattered. We all know that TSA is more conditioning than practical anyway.  That being said I am a big fan of your fear tactics. After all a scared public is a willing public eh?

      I must also commend you on your “See Something Say Something” program. There’s nothing quite like going to Wal-Mart and being reminded that danger is everywhere. I have seen those “people of Wal-Mart” emails and it is my opinion that it doesnt take much to convince some of those people that “terrorists” are everywhere and that if they dont start reporting every little thing that it could put their family in jeopardy. The good news is that you certainly seem to know your audience. I am particularly impressed with the fact that before you guys did away with Osama Bin Laden you addressed the nation and informed them that “We are facing our greatest threat ever.” Boy did they eat that up. So much so that your Congress passed through a nearly dead extension of the Patriot Act. Then to top it off after Bin Laden was killed you went back on tv and informed the nation that “We successfully removed our greatest threat only for an even greater threat to arise” My lady, Goebbels would be proud of you.

I must commend you on one more thing before taking leave. We never failed to take advantage of a crisis to push through our own agenda. I am beyond ecstatic that you have continued that practice. It really must take strength to go on TV after a school shooting and start talking politics while the still warm bodies of dead children are being carried out. It truly is the mark of a genius to be able to stand on the mountains of the dead and try to drill policy through. I must confess my dear woman that you succeeded where I could not.

Well, that is about all. If I may add one suggestion, have the TSA throw in a happy ending here and there. All this foreplay gets frustrating after awhile.

Affectionately yours,

Adolph Hitler

P.S. Dont worry about all the people saying you look like Fred Flinstone they are just jealous. Personally I think you look more like Barney Rubble myself. Haters Be hatin.


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One Comment
  1. Chris permalink

    NICE! Love it!

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